Could It Be Any Harder?
by Toki Kasurmari
Summary: CHARACTER DEATH! Rei comes home to find kai dead! ((Songfic)) Bout how he felt and what went through his mind ((lil' yaoi))


Hi! I was bored so I decided to write a one shot fic. A sad one!!! A sad song fic!!!!! I generally am not a fan of song fics, but for some reason I like writing them, so expect a lot more from me!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything except my fanfics!!!! * Sob *  
  
Song Name: Could it be any Harder  
  
Song By: The Calling  
  
Album: Camino Palmero  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
You left me with goodbye and open arms  
  
A cut so deep I don't deserve  
  
You where always invincible in my eyes  
  
The only thing against us now is time  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
I couldn't believe it; Mariah and Lee where in town and I hadn't seen them since the last tournament! I was so happy when they invited me out for the night. On my way out the door I remember turning to you, giving you a hug and a kiss and you calling, "Goodbye, Rei! See you in a few hours!" as I left..  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Could it be harder to say goodbye and without you  
  
Could it be any harder to say goodbye, to face what's true  
  
If only I hade one more day  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
I remember walking in trough the door after my night out with Mariah and Lee and wondering why it was open. I remember calling your name and looking around the living room for you. I remember finding you slumped over a chair in the kitchen, facing away from me.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
I lie down and blind myself with laughter  
  
A quick fix of hope is what I'm needing  
  
And how I wish that I could turn back the hours  
  
But I know I just don't have the power  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
I called your name one last time and placed my hand on your shoulder. You didn't move. I walked around to the front of you and went to sit on your knee. That's when I saw it: A stream of warm blood was trickling down your front from a cut across your neck and a dagger was dug into your chest, with a note pinned to it. I read it:  
  
Blame yourself. Even if you track us down, it will still be your fault that he's dead. We only did it because he was disobeying the rules we gave him. You were the reason he was doing so.  
  
~Voltaire~  
  
I remember looking at the words, reading them twice over and laughing. I guess it was because I was frightened, but I laughed like I was going crazy. Stupid thoughts went through my mind, like killing myself there and then, but I knew that it was not what you would have wanted.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Could it be harder to say goodbye and without you  
  
Could it be any harder to say goodbye, to face what's true  
  
If only I hade one more day  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
I cupped my hands around your face. It was still warm. I felt your chest move slightly, and your eyes opened for a split second, but then you where gone. It was as if you were saying goodbye one last time. I didn't cry at all, I couldn't. My throat had gone completely dry. I looked down at my shirt. It had been white when I put it on, but now it had a coating of crimson over it. Blood, your blood.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
I'd jump at the chance,  
  
We'd drink and we'd dance  
  
And I'd listen close to your every word,  
  
And if it's your last, I know it's your last,  
  
Cause today, oh, you're gone.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
I shook your shoulders, calling your name over and over again. "Kai, wake up! This isn't funny!" But when you didn't respond I knew I wasn't dreaming. You weren't coming back. I held you close and reminded your silent body of the fun times we had had, of the past, what we had planned. I guess I just wanted you to wake up..  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Could it be harder to say goodbye and without you  
  
Could it be any harder to say goodbye, to face what's true  
  
If only I hade one more day  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
I held you closer to me, the tears finally flowing from my eyes. I tried to stand up, to walk over to the phone, but my legs wouldn't work. I tried shouting for help, but my throat was still too dry to do anything but whisper. I finally gave up and fell sobbing into your lifeless arms.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Like the sand on my feet,  
  
The smell of sweet perfume  
  
You stick to me forever  
  
And I wish you didn't go,  
  
I wish you didn't go, I wish you didn't go away  
  
To touch you again,  
  
With life in your hands,  
  
It couldn't be any harder...harder....harder  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Now I kneel by your grave and remind myself of all the happy times we had together, tracing the words on your headstone over and over with my finger and trying to picture your face again. I lay the deep red roses (so deep they're almost black) on your grave and stand up. The pain has died down a little, but I still find it hard to move on. If only I could turn the clock back...If only I had another chance, I'd be there with you; I'd never leave your side...  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
PLEASE R&R!!!!!!! I worked hard on this and I want some positive feedback ^_^!!!!  
  
Thank you to Porticulis for the feedback, I decided to dedicate this version to you! ^_^ 


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